i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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