I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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