WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
