I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
