Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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