Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
