I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
