We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dear god my vagina.
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