I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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