I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
