we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
