I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
