I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
