You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
