He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
