Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
