i may or may not be watching the land before time
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
