24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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