is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
