whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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