Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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