Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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