Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize