I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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