let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
