I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
