So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize