i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
