did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
