she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
