i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
