You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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