Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
