I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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