I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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