just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
