I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
