i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
