so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
