got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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