do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
