i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
