This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
