This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
