I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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