You're my little dorito
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
