Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
