i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
