he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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