Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize