You're completely useless in the revolution.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
