I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
