You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
