Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
