Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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