just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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