Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
