Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
