Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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