I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
