I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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