it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
