good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
