i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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