Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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