Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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