He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
