Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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