If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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