I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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