I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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