you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
