can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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