he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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